inarutinarutinarutinarutinarutinarutinarutinarutinarutinarutinarutinarut in a rut.
in.
a.
rut.
July was my awesome month last year. All those animal watercolors... I was awesome. Feels like it's been lackluster blah "I should draw but why bother?" sketches, doodles, abandoned baby ideas that just weren't worth anything.
breath.
It's scary. It's deeply upsetting thinking about those long nights of drawing after drawing, repetitive cynical girl music, having an audience both online and in person to some extent.
Do you know who asks me if I've drawn anything recently?
No one.
It's scary that it's up to me to be my biggest fan. I have to believe in me. I have to remember that this brings me joy, damn it-- it is my pride, it is what I want to do. All the fears and doubts and negativity, this ocean that I'm letting myself drown in, needs to stop.
It may not be my career. It may not be what I'm "meant" to do. But I love it. And I need to remember I love it.
This is for me.
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